Help Find Gina.com

This page is a page to Honor Gina's younger sister Jill Lappegaard (pictured above with her dog, Gus).  Jill's life was tragically taken in a car accident on the early morning of December 7th, 2008.  She wanted nothing more then to find her sister Gina and had worked endlessly to help find Gina.  Jill searched northern MN for Gina and was a large part of planning and organizing Gina's Benefit that she never got to attend.  She was so looking forward to seeing the outcome of the benefit and showing her support in finding Gina.  Jill loved Gina very much and asked her mom many times, "Why is this happening to us and where could Gina be, I just want her home."  We know in our hearts that Jill would want us to go on and on till we find Gina and that is what we plan to do.  Jill's family meant the world to her and she talked about them constantly.  She was a very dedicated Daughter, Sister, Sister-in-Law, Auntie, Godmother, and Cousin.  She loved spending time with family and always did whatever she could to get everyone together.  Her love for her nephew was instinctive, she just knew when she became an aunt what she had to do to love a child so deeply. Jill went by Auntie Jilly to her nephew Ethan, they had so much fun and loved to play guitar hero together.   Jill was her parents rock in getting through each day coping with the disappearance of Gina.  Jill was their baby and always made them smile, laugh, and lighten their mood through the difficult times. There are endless things to say about Jilly but anyone who knows her knew that she was special, she was like an angel here on earth.

Jill was the most caring, giving and non judgemental person you could know.  Her friendships were strong and when she loved, she loved hard.  She was there whenever you needed her, day or night.   The loss of Jilly is overwhelming and unbearable but having had her in our lives and others has made us realize how much she was truly loved not only by us but by everyone she knew.  To know the impact she made on people has made us realize that she was so loved and that is why god put us on this planet, to love, have friendships and relationships with others.  Her life was short but the many lives that she touched while on this earth are endless. She had many best friends, girls and guys. We love  Jilly and always will, her beautiful eyes, her bright smile and intoxicating laugh will be missed so much.  Many cannot imagine life without her and we cant imagine why God would take her away from us so soon but she is now a Guardian Angel.  She looks down upon us, waits and watches so that one day we will see her again and be able to embrace her.  We love you Jilly, rest in peace.  Jilly would have celebrated her 23rd birthday this January 29th, 2009.   

Anyone interested in sending a Memorial for Jill, please send to: Judy and Steve Lappegaard, 18633 140th Ave NE, Thief River Falls, MN 56701.

In remembrance and a memorial for Jill, a star was named after Jill in the Aquarius Constellation through the International Star Registry.  My husband Eric, little boy Ethan and I wanted to celebrate Jill's 23rd birthday and this was a unique way to keep Jill in our memories.  The Star Registry certificate is hung in Jill's room at my parents house.  We miss her so much and wish everyday she was here.  We love you Jilly and hope to one day see you again.  I love you, Jackie

WHAT IS GRIEF LIKE?
Written by: Dr. Val Farmer
11/01/2004

How do we cope when reality collides with our dreams, hopes and
expectations about life? How do we respond when losses are
catastrophic, such as death, divorce, financial reversals, disability
or a loss.

With devastating losses like these, we experience confusion, fear,
anger, blame, frustration, depression, emotional numbness, involuntary
thoughts, anxiety, guilt and a world stripped of meaning and security.
We feel overwhelmed. Our fundamental assumptions about the world are
suddenly shattered.

Here are some things that might be helpful in understanding grief and loss.

No timetable for grief.
After a major loss people can experience prolonged distress for years
after the event. Most friends and relatives grossly underestimate the
length of the grieving process and stop being tolerant of the grieving
person.

There is no orderly sequence of emotions, no right way to grieve, no
timetable for recovery. Shakespeare wrote, "Everyone can master a
grief - except he that hath it." The human response to grief is too
variable to be generalized -or judged.

The loss is the injury, the insult, the blow. Sadness or depression
are natural reactions for that which was lost. The object is not to
"get over" grief, but to experience it as a part of the healing
process.

Loss shatters beliefs and security.
With sudden death, especially through accident or homicide, anger and
the perception of the meaninglessness of the event can increase over
time. Loss inflicted by someone else's maliciousness, negligence or
betrayal can lock in emotions of anger, rage and a preoccupation with
justice.

Unfortunately, in cases like these, time does not necessarily heal. It
takes a willingness to forgive, to accept what has happened, and to
reaffirm trust and faith to trigger the healing process.

In addition, the bereaved, having experienced the suddenness of the
loss, feel vulnerable to having bad things happen to themselves and
their loved ones. Their faith in the future has been broken. Having
experienced the fleeting nature of life, they become reluctant to
commit themselves to long-term goals and objectives.

Laughter interspersed with tears.
Positive affect is often experienced within days and weeks of the
loss. There are small moments of pleasure that crop up amid life's
undesirable events.

The grieving person shouldn't feel guilty for these feelings. Seeing a
few sparks of joy in the ashes of grief tells us that life can be good
again. Memories from the past also can be pleasurable, positive and
helpful in the recovery process.

Support from others is crucial.
Bereaved people appreciate the presence and care of others, being
included in social activities, having good listeners, and having
contact with others who have been through similar experiences. They
don't appreciate a lot of advice or discussions of faith and
perspective unless they seek that type of dialogue.

The grieving person needs to talk about what happened in his or her
life. Telling it and telling it again takes away some of the pain. The
friend who is patient enough to listen becomes a witness to sacred but
searing truths uttered by one who needs to share deep wounds.

"Give sorrow words the grief that does not speak whispers the
o'er-fraught heart and bids it break."- Shakespeare

"Well it has been said that there is no grief like the grief that does
not speak."- Longfellow

Hope is the beginning of recovery.
The recovery process starts by responding to duty, by a willingness to
take on commitments. With time, the "I have to's" turn into the "I
want to's." A purposeless life is a life of fatigue. Once the bereaved
person settles on an outlet of his or her energy, innate powers come
to life and expand to meet the task at hand.

Hope is the medicine that heals. Hope is the expectation of a
desirable future event and the positive assessment that one has the
ability to achieve that goal.

New dreams and goals, new challenges begin to fill the aching void.
"When old dreams die, now ones take their place. God pity the one
dream person." - Anonymous

During grief, some things go haywire.
Grief and sexual desire usually don't mix. Allowances for the grieving
process should lead to gentler expectations on oneself or one's
partner.

During times of sorrow and loss, judgment is impaired. The business of
living should flow without the distraction of having to make big
decisions, painful decisions. Decisions made in a hurry and under
duress often will be wrong.

Grief helps us grow.
What good can come from such pain and suffering?

It is during those dark times of grief that we come to know how
violent the outcry of our heart can be, how fragile and beautiful life
is, how strong we are, and how deeply we care.

We have a renewed kinship with others. We find that tragedy has
brought our hearts together. After the trial of our faith, we affirm
again that life is good and worthwhile. After the season of grief has
spent its fury, we grudgingly admit to having grown in unexpected
ways, ways we would have never chosen. The imprint of the loss shapes
our destiny. We can never be the same as we were.

It is a tribute to the human spirit that the grieving person chooses
to love again after having felt the pain of losing that which was so
dearly loved. Sooner or later, it will be a challenge we'll all face.